The Kid from A Christmas Story Was Cute But What He Looks Like Now is Insane!

Li’l Peter Billingsley won a place in our hearts with his iconic performance as B.B gun-craving All-American moppet Ralphie Parker in the beloved Yuletide favorite A Christmas Story. Billingsley’s performance brought out the doting grandmother in all of us. Who didn’t want to pinch his chubby little cheeks? 

A Christmas Story became an instant classic thanks in no small part to Billingsley’s winning lead performance. Who can forget “You’ll poke your eye out?” 

It turns out A Christmas Story wasn’t the first time this adorable moppet charmed his way into the hearts of the American public. In the late 1970s, Billingsley rose to fame as “Messy Marvin” in classic Hershey's Chocolate Syrup commercials and in 1978 he made his feature film debut at the tender age of seven with If Ever I See You Again. 

But it was as Ralphie Parker that Billingsley truly made his mark and while the film wasn’t a big hit upon its release, it has gone on to become a ubiquitous holiday favorite that seems to run on a loop on basic cable. Billingsley kept acting after A Christmas Story, with appearances in movies like 1985’s The Dirt Bike Kid, 1987’s Russkies and 1989’s Beverly Hills Brats. 

When Billingsley popped up in another Yuletide perennial—the Will Ferrell smash Elf—he was all grown up but still adorable.

For the past few decades, Billingsley has largely worked behind the scenes, running a production company with pal Vince Vaughn, who starred in Billingsley’s directorial debut Couples Retreat, which didn’t win any Oscars but was a sizable hit. Here’s a shot of Billingsley and Vaughn on set.

So far, so good. Billingsley was a cute kid who grew up to be a relatively good-looking adult. Or at least that’s what you’d imagine. Have a seat and prepare to be startled, because this is what Billingsley looked like in 2015. 

Crazy, right? Billingsley looks less like a grown-up child star than the mythological beast known and feared as Cthulhu. How did Billingsley come to look unnervingly like a multi-tentacled figure of infinite horror created by H.P. Lovecraft? We honestly have no idea. It might be a matter of too much cosmetic surgery. Many actors have so much work done that they come to look like monsters, but generally not of this nature, or this size. 

It’s also possible that Billingsley’s striking and, let’s be honest, not terribly photogenic new look is attributable to the former child star suffering some manner of witch’s curse. And, of course, there’s also a very real possibility that when not producing, directing or acting, Billingsley traffics in the dark arts himself and his monstrous appearance can be traced to an incantation he himself performed. 

For Billingsley’s sake, if nothing else, we kind of hoped that the A Christmas Story star’s look was temporary but here’s what he looked like just six weeks ago. Yikes! We don’t want to be “lookist” but we kind of miss the adorable kid Billingsley used to be. 

Thankfully, it looks like Billingsley is still working: he’s an executive producer on the animated show F is for Family. It’s good to know that even in Hollywood looks aren’t everything!

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