Not So Shagadelic Anymore: Why Society NEEDS Austin Powers' Peculiar, Horny Magic Now More Than Ever
The phrases we know and love by heart. “Yeah, baby!” “Shagadelic!”, “Do I make you horny?”, “Get in my belly!”, “One million dollars” and “Oh, behave!”
What if I were to tell you that every single one of these beloved catchphrases, at least one of which you probably have tattooed on your body, all came from the same motion picture franchise? You probably wouldn’t believe me. You’d try to fight me physically and argue, “Who could possibly have come up with so many transcendent turns of phrase, Shakespeare’s substantially more gifted brother?”
It’s true! All of those wonderful, iconic phrases came from the Austin Powers series but those movies have been erased from history books and school books because they’re no longer considered “politically correct.”
That, friends, is a travesty.
How much healthier and more functional would society be if we legislated and regulated “shagging” the way we do automatic weapons?
Austin Powers should be taught not just in film schools but in all other classes as well as the foundation of Western Civilization. We are a Christian nation and an Austin Powers nation. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a Muslim Communist. Yet we’ve ejected Austin Powers from the classroom for the same reason we banned Jesus and have implemented Sharia Law throughout the United States: political correctness.
Well I’m sorry, but I don't think it’s very “shagadelic” for a culture to turn its back on its greatest and most important creation just because he offends the delicate sensibilities of the identity politics thought police.
In a world where white heterosexual men had not been robbed of all power and forced into shameful hiding, film history would be understood through an explicitly Austin Powers-centric lens. All of film history leading up to 1996 would be contextualized as a preamble to a certain Mike Myers-penned secret agent spoof. Everything post-1996 would be seen in terms of how it was influenced by Mike Myers’ magnum opus.
Was Moonlight influenced by Austin Powers? How so? If not, what made the filmmakers so arrogant that they no didn’t feel the need to pay homage the classic spy spoof? On a similar note, did Breathless influence Austin Powers? If not, is it then safe to toss it cavalierly into the trash bin of history so that we might be able to focus more intently on Austin Powers?
Without political correctness, Austin Powers would be taught in sexual education as well. What is enthusiastic consent, after all, if not often a matter of one partner asking the other, “Do I make you horny?” and then, if the answer is yes, following it up with, “Do I consequently not only have your consent to get shagadelic, but also your enthusiastic consent?”
A world where everyone, from the Pope to the lowliest bootblack, is constantly asking everyone else, “Do I make you horny?” is a world where issues of consent and sexual desire are crystal clear and not clouded with the assumptions and miscommunication that lead to problems.
Alternately, couldn’t enthusiastic consent be going further than “yes” to “Yeah, baby, Yeah! Shagadelic!” We, as a culture, must not be afraid to follow in Austin’s sainted footsteps and never feel ashamed or abashed to ask what I think we can all agree is the central question lurking behind all of Western Civilization: do I make you horny?
In psychology, students should study the various different personality types: Austin Powers, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, Mini-Me and Goldmember. Furthermore, they could endeavor to understand the psychological mechanisms that make the Austin Powers franchise so powerful and irresistible.
Our greatest cultural tradition is Austin Powers. Let’s not cavalierly discard his central contributions to Western Civilization just because he’s fallen out of fashion.
Many, many years ago Austin Powers asked a question that still resonates across the world. That question was, of course, “Do I make you horny?” I would like to take this time then to answer him very sincerely, if tardily, and say that yes, yes you do make me horny, you make all of us horny, but I’m mostly “horny” to get you back to the place of prominence, respect and importance where you belong.
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