I Wear a Mask and Practice Social Distancing Because I Try Not to Be an Asshole

I wear a mask and practice social distancing because I am worried about COVID-19 and the cataclysmic consequences of downplaying or ignoring the tremendous danger it still poses individually and collectively. But I also wear a mask and practice social distancing because I try not to be an asshole. 

I like to think that I’ve always tried not to be an asshole. Sometimes I’ve even succeeded! But the epic, lifelong quest to not be an asshole assumed a new importance and urgency when I became a father because I have to be a role model for my two boys, and that inextricably entails doing my damnedest not to be an asshole. 

That’s another part of the reason I wear a mask and practice social distancing: I want my boys to be decent and civil and human and take the necessary precautions against COVID-19 so I have to role model appropriate behavior for them. 

That’s what a lot of this comes down to: basic decency. In addition to being the safe choice, wearing a mask and practicing social distancing is the decent and civil thing to do. By wearing a mask when you’re out in public at Big Lots buying Honey Smacks you are silently but powerfully conveying to your fellow shoppers/human beings that you take COVID-19 seriously enough to be responsible. 

There’s undeniably a psychological element to it as well. I remember when I went out to buy groceries for the first real time after the quarantine began and I stood in a line where people weren’t wearing masks or social distancing. I was so anxious and scared that I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. That fucking sucked because, for better or worse, we are all in this together. The social contract has never been more important because right now being a good citizen and acting safely and responsibly isn’t just a matter of social niceties; it’s literally a manner of life and death, of surviving this awful pandemic or adding your name to the 135,000 Americans and growing who’ve died of a disease we’re seemingly nowhere close to finding a cure for. 

This is not about social control or brainwashing the masses to accept limitations on their freedoms. A country like ours, that values a robust economy and personal freedom seemingly above all else and has made a cult out of breaking the rules would not risk cratering the economy or dramatically curtail individual freedoms unless it was absolutely necessary. This is not a conspiracy. Bill Gates and George Soros are not sinister puppet-masters. This is a real, very serious crisis even if no one you know has contracted it. 

You know what else you can do to not be an asshole? Don’t go to Disney Land, for chrissakes. Don’t go to concerts or festivals or beach resorts where people are not practicing social distancing. Don’t travel unnecessarily or irresponsibly. For fuck’s sake, just stay home and try to wait this out the best you can. COVID-19 won’t be around forever but unless we all take concrete steps not to behave like assholes this thing could last for a very long time and do almost incalculable damage. 

Wearing a mask is not fun. It’s not comfortable. Up until a few months ago, it wasn’t something most folks had to do at all, let alone a ubiquitous fixture of everyday life for the vast majority of human beings on planet earth. But it’s not that bad, when it comes right down to it. No one is forcing you to wear a Hazmat suit every time you go out. It’s just a mask. It’s no big deal ultimately.

In conclusion, wear a mask and practice social distancing, and try not to be an asshole. You owe it to yourself as well as the rest of humanity. 

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