I'm Probably NOT Going to Go On the Kid Rock Chillin' the Most Cruise Ever Again
I have been blessed in that there have been many moments in my life so surreal that I was forced to take a cosmic step back and think, “Holy fucking shit. I cannot believe this is happening to me,” even while it was, incontrovertibly, happening to me.
This happens to me constantly at the Gathering of the Juggalos. That’s one of the reasons I’m so insistent on returning year after year despite the tremendous cost and hassle, as well as the nagging sense that nobody cares what I have to say about Juggalos or Insane Clown Posse anymore.
There was a surreal time in my life when I was professionally obligated to go on multiple music-themed cruises, multiple Gatherings of the Juggalos, and take a shit ton of drugs before going to dozens upon dozens of Phish shows.
Granted, I was not professionally obligated to take drugs during these migratory musical misadventures, but doing so made them easier and more enjoyable.
Everything about my time aboard the Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most cruise was absurd. At every step of the journey, I found myself gobsmacked by what I was doing, and not just because one of the very first things I did onboard was take a picture with Kid Rock.
Being an incorrigible smartass, I told him that I had heard good things about his work. He replied that he hoped I’d render a positive verdict by the end of the cruise.
That first night I got a letter in my room telling me that anything I might write about the cruise had to be approved by Kid Rock’s team first, a transparently empty threat that would be impossible to follow through on if for no other reason that I paid full price to be on the cruise so they had no leverage on that front.
Despite the weird threats and the fact that the cruise’s comedian was Carlos Mencia, whom I ended up seeing TWICE (there’s not a lot to do on a Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most cruise), I ended up more or less enjoying my first, last, and only Chillin’ the Most cruise.
I am a vulgarian at heart and enjoyed the whole crazy spectacle for what it was: something gloriously, transcendental, and also terribly American, with all that entails.
I would not describe the cruise as apolitical. By that point, Kid Rock was well-established as a very public and vocal Republican, but it wasn’t yet the core of his persona and public image. He was a Republican, but he was not yet a professional Republican or a Trump Republican because the idea of a Trump Republican didn’t really exist at that point, midway through the Obama years.
If I were to go on the Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most cruise today, however, I would have a much different experience. Instead of being amused and entertained by the egregious bad taste and flamboyant tackiness, I would be horrified by the ignorance and hatred on display.
A lot has happened in the decade since I chilled the most aboard the Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most cruise. Kid Rock has been radicalized by the concomitant rise of Donald Trump and Q. So have his fans. The idea of an apolitical Kid Rock cruise is inconceivable now.
It is entirely possible that there will never be another Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most cruise. That might be another thing that Covid has robbed us of: the opportunity to chill the most with our boy Kid Rock on the open seas.
But if the cruise does return it’ll undoubtedly be an oppressively political Q cruise where Trump is worshiped as a god and Democrats are posited as tools of the devil, and not in a good, rock and roll kind of way.
Needless to say, I will not be going on another Kid Rock Chillin’ the Most Cruise, and I am still gobsmacked, a full decade later, that I even went on one in the first place.
Nathan needs teeth that work, and his dental plan doesn't cover them, so he started a GoFundMe at https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-nathans-journey-to-dental-implants. Give if you can!
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