October Is Going to Be Crank N' Mank Month Here at the Happy Place! — It Turns Out the Naming Rights! Membership Option Was For Real and Someone Is Now Five Hundred Bucks Poorer Presents Nat

One of the many wonderful things about being your own boss is that if you have an idea, no one can veto it for being too silly. So when, on July 4th, I became enchanted with the notion of devoting an entire month to both David Fincher’s Mank and Neveldine/Taylor’s Crank motion pictures based on nothing more than the fact that their names rhymes and also are goofy, there was absolutely no reason not to go ahead with it.

My boss, myself, couldn’t have been more supportive. I believe his (my) exact words were, “You’ve done it again, you beautiful bastard! I don’t know where you come up with these bonkers ideas, which is weird, since I literally am you, but I am glad your magnificently fucked up brain works the way it does.”

So I am proud to officially announce that October will be Crank n’ Mank Month here at Nathan Rabin’s Happy Place. It will begin with a Fractured Mirror on the movie that is the reason for the season, the Oscar and Golden Globe-pleasing Mank.

Mank!

It’s fun to say, it’s fun to write, it’s fun to think about and an utterly delight. I’m talking about my man Mank!

Next up is the Orson Welles First and Last entry, which, as its name suggests, will begin with the legendary auteur’s debut film, Citizen Kane, which, in a funny twist, Orson Welles doesn’t deserve ANY credit for, since Herman Mankiewitz is single-handedly responsible for everything that’s good about it.

Oh sure, Citizen Kane might have some fancy shots or whatever and I suppose Orson Welles’ performance as the title character, the titular Citizen Kane, wasn’t bad but the only reason anyone likes the movie is because of the screenplay, which Mank wrote all by himself. I will shank you or make you walk the plank if you assert otherwise.

If Mank WASN’T the genius responsible for Citizen Kane then how do you explain that all of Welles’ other movies suck giant donkey dick? The Magnificent Ambersons? More like the Not So Magnificent Ambersons. F is for Fake? More like F is the Grade I Would Give This Stupid Movie. Touch of Evil? More like you’d need to be touched in the head to think that movie isn’t an all-time stinkeroo. The Trial? I’ll tell you what the real trial is: trying to make it all the way through that flaky flick without falling asleep!

Since First and Last covers a filmmaker’s first and last motion picture the column also covers what used to be Welles’ final film, F for Fake. I’m pleased and shocked to be able to report that in the ensuing years that has changed.

When I wrote up Citizen Kane and F for Fake for First and Last I assumed that Welles’ The Other Side of the Wind was doomed to forever remain unfinished and un-released, not unlike Jerry Lewis’ infamous The Day the Clown Cried.

Then the second most famous unreleased and unfinished film in movie history was finished and released so the next Crank N’ Mank piece will be a Fractured Mirror entry on The Other Side of the Wind.

That will be followed by a First and Last column on John Huston, another larger than life writer-director-actor who made his directorial debut the same year Citizen Kane was released and starred in Orson Welles’ final film as an unmistakably Welles-like titan of the silver screen.

I’ll write a blog post about the curious, half-ironic cult of Mank at which point I’ll turn my attention to the Crank half of the month, with write-ups of Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage, followed by Neveldine/Taylor’s Gamer.

Crank N’ Mank Month is an idea too stupid not to become a glorious reality.

Enjoy!

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