The Critter and Christmas-Crazed Career of Lockdown Star Patrick Muldoon
Before I watched Patrick Muldoon square off against Bruce Willis as the hero in 2021’s Lockdown, the sixth movie I saw for Talking About Bruno, the project where I watch and write about the seven movies Bruce Willis released in 2021, I had not thought about the actor in ages, if I’d ever thought about him in the first place.
Why would I? Muldoon is one of those vaguely familiar names and faces who just keep chugging along without doing anything particularly interesting or noteworthy. Muldoon’s career peaked in the 1990s, when he was a pretty face in Starship Troopers and a scene-stealing bad guy on Melrose Place.
Like a lot of C-list actors, Muldoon has been coasting on his early fame in an endless series of exploitation movies and TV fodder with titles like the following:
What a bunch of dogs! And the irony is that Muldoon famously hates all animals, but particularly canines. That earned him the nickname Patrick “The Animal Hater” Muldoon but Muldoon doesn't just make cheap, cynical dogsploitation movies for the direct-to-streaming market.
He makes dolphinsploitation movies for the direct-to-streaming market as well!
Muldoon has another specialty: Christmas movies! At this point he’s more heavily invested in the holiday than Santa Fucking Claus thanks to his no doubt spirited participation in the following Yuletide classics:
Oh, look A doggie!
Now THAT is what I call Jingle Bell Rock!
And, of course, a motion picture masterpiece that brings together Muldoon’s otherwise disparate worlds of dogs and Christmas, A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale.
Muldoon truly is a real-life Troy McClure. So if Bruce Willis is at all sad that he is reduced to making seemingly imaginary movies opposite Patrick Muldoon like 2021’s Deadlock he can at least console himself that he’s not Muldoon. Heaven knows it can always be worse.
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