I Have Acquired a Small Dog and Achieved True Happiness — It Turns Out the Naming Rights! Membership Option Was For Real and Someone Is Now Five Hundred Bucks Poorer Presents Nat

One of the greatest sources of joy and satisfaction in my life has come from being a pet owner. I am a cat guy. And a dog guy.

There is nothing quite like the bond between people and their pets. There’s a purity to it that you don’t find anywhere else. My old dog Ghostface may have been have been a raging asshole but I loved him unconditionally.

That was one of the hardest parts of Ghostie dying in my arms at the vet a few weeks back after his Lymphoma took a dramatic turn for the worse. For the first time since I was a nineteen year old college student fresh out of the group home I did not have a cat or a dog.

That made me feel alone. Very, very alone. Ghostie’s absence left an enormous hole in my heart, soul and life that I was eager to fill as quickly as possible.

My wife knows how important having a dog is to me. She knows the central role it plays in keeping me as happy and sane as humanly possible in this wicked and wonderful world.

So when Ghostie crossed the Rainbow Bridge, a phrase I am using both semi-ironically and also very earnestly, she set about finding our family a new dog.

There were any number of false starts but finally she found the perfect dog at a rescue in Alabama, a tiny little Yorkie with a fascinating past as a show dog. It was love at first sight. As soon as I saw the little guy I knew that I had to have him.

So on the Saturday before July 4th we took a road trip to pick up the newest member of our family. Declan picked out a powder blue vest with a bow tie for Champion with a matching leash as well as a dog bed.

There should be some anxiety and doubt around the acquisition of a new pet but with Champion all I felt was happiness and contentment. True happiness.

I’ve always thought that getting a puppy was like cheating because nobody, no matter how good they are, really deserves to be the permanent owner of the cutest creatures in the universe.

Puppies and kitties are consequently too cute. They’re so cute that you should only be able to experience that cuteness from a distance, occasionally. To have access to that adorability twenty four hours a day seems like entirely too much cuteness for any one person to handle.

look at that face! It’s an excellent face.

Here’s the thing about Champion. He’s not a puppy. In fact he’s four years old but he has the smallness and the unbelievable adorability of a puppy all the same. That feels like double cheating.

I loved Ghostie dearly but he had so many personality flaws that they collectively added up to a crappy personality. Ghostie was mean. He loved children but hated our boys. He had a horrible, high-pitched, migraine-inducing yelp. He felt angrily entitled to any food you might be eating.

Champion has all of Ghostie’s tremendous strengths—cuteness, loyalty, affection—without his myriad flaws. As far as I can tell, Champion doesn’t seem to have any flaws so far. He’s quiet, sweet, gentle and kind, the perfect companion for walks or watching Netflix or just existing.

Champion makes me happy. So if you would also like to experience the tricky, elusive emotion known as “happiness” I encourage you to also get a dog. Not a lot of people seem to know about them, particularly in the United States, but they’re actually pretty great.

Did you miss the Kickstarter campaign for The Fractured Mirror, the Happy Place’s 600 page opus about EVERY American movie ever made about the film industry? Then you’re in luck! You can still make the magic happen over at Make it happen over at https://the-fractured-mirror.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders

The Joy of Trash, the Happy Place’s first non-"Weird Al” Yankovic-themed book is out! And it’s only 16.50, shipping, handling and taxes included, 30 bucks for two books, domestic only!

Buy The Joy of Trash, The Weird Accordion to Al and the The Weird Accordion to Al in both paperback and hardcover and The Weird A-Coloring to Al and The Weird A-Coloring to Al: Colored-In Special Edition signed from me personally (recommended) over at https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop

Or you can buy The Joy of Trash here and The Weird A-Coloring to Al here and The Weird Accordion to Al here

Help ensure a future for the Happy Place during an uncertain era AND get sweet merch by pledging to the site’s Patreon account at https://www.patreon.com/nathanrabinshappyplace We just added a bunch of new tiers and merchandise AND a second daily blog just for patrons!

Alternately you can buy The Weird Accordion to Al, signed, for just 19.50, tax and shipping included, at the https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop or for more, unsigned, from Amazon here.

I make my living exclusively through book sales and Patreon so please support independent media and one man’s dream and kick in a shekel or two!