The Jonah Hill Kerfuffle

I suspect that Jonah Hill very much regrets having made Stutz, a documentary about his psychiatrist Phil Stutz and their relationship despite the movie getting rave reviews. 

It currently has a 96 percent approval rating among critics and audiences on Rotten Tomatoes but by opening up his life and his mind to the world through film he invited accusations of hypocrisy, not unlike James Franco notoriously wearing a “Time’s Up” pin on an award show that led to his cancellation. 

Making a movie about his shrink didn’t necessarily make the two time Academy Award nominee a poster boy for mental health but it did establish him, at the very least, as someone unusually in touch with their emotions. 

That doesn’t necessarily mean that the actor, writer and director is sensitive to other people’s emotions, however. 

This was made glaringly apparent when Hill became the internet’s main character of the day last month when ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady went public with some of his texts that she felt illustrated that he was both a misogynistic narcissist and emotionally abusive. 

In the most widely disseminated text, Hill asserts that if Brady “needs” the following then he is “not the right partner for you:”

-Surfing with men 

-Boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men 

-to model

-to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit

-to post sexual pictures

-friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful 

With smarmy faux-sincerity Hill implores, “If these things bring you to a place of happiness I support it and there will be no more hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic relationships. He concludes, incoherently, “My boundaries With you based on the ways these actions have hurt our trust.” 

Brady has shared other text messages but I feel like a creepy voyeur knowing that much about their failed relationship. I don’t want to wade even deeper into those murky waters. 

In the comment section of mainstream outlets like Buzzfeed, Hill was defended by people who thought that the text message illustrated that Hill was an excellent, considerate boyfriend, not the sexist, emotionally abusive narcissist Brady made him out to be. 

Don’t women want men to be emotionally direct  and honest? Aren’t men supposed to share their feelings with their partner? Isn’t it healthy and respectful to clearly articulate your needs and establish firm boundaries? Finally, don’t those Hollywood types go in for that bloodless therapy talk? 

Those were the questions Hill’s many defenders asked aloud via the internet. 

To tardily answer their rhetorical questions, yes, it is generally good to be emotionally direct and honest but not when what you’re being emotionally direct and honest about is your deep-seated fear that your much younger, hot surfer girlfriend will cheat on you because she’s a hot surfer girl and you’re the guy from Grandma’s Boy. 

Nothing says “I’m not a control freak” quite like matching outfits.

It’s also healthy to share feelings but not when those feelings involve slut-shaming and controlling what your partner does, who she hangs out with, and how she shares her life and business with the world. Setting boundaries is similarly good unless those boundaries are unreasonable and sexist and betray a fundamental lack of trust in your partner. Finally, Hill’s text illustrates that the touchy-feely terminology of therapy can be used for evil as well as good. 

You don’t need to be Hill’s psychiatrist to figure out that the Knocked Up actor lived in constant fear that his sexy surfer girlfriend was going to cheat on him with someone more attractive than himself. 

Hill got involved with Brady because she was a sexy surfer then became terrified that because she’s a sexy surfer she’ll have sex with someone more attractive than himself. 

It’s the Nice Guy mindset in action: Hill clearly sees himself as a good human being with reasonable, clearly communicated boundaries and needs who deserves to be with a woman like Brady instead of the creepy studs she might hook up with if she’s hanging out with “women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past” anywhere outside of lunch of coffee. 

“Women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past” is dry therapy talk for “sluts who will get you to cheat on me.”

Hill’s reference to Brady’s “wild recent past” is similarly a touchy-feely way of calling her a slut who will strut around bare-ass naked, surf with men, take pictures in her bathing suit and/or sexual pictures and enjoy boundaryless inappropriate relationships with men that includes butt stuff and handjobs unless sternly instructed not to by a respectable, wealthy boyfriend. 

More than anything, Hill comes off as insecure and scared but he’s not honest enough to concede that these demands come from a place of fear and cowardice and are not the eminently reasonable requests of a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to explicitly ask for it. 

Hill comes off terribly in the exchange. But does his insecurity and slut-shaming qualify as emotional abuse? Does the public need to know about Hill’s inadequacies as a boyfriend and his discomfort with assertive female sexuality? Should this affect his career going forward? 

I know that it’s already had a profound effect on Hill’s reputation. He went from being a sensitive Alan Alda type to being seen as a big league creep. 

I don’t know the answers to the above questions but they’re worth asking in a political environment that could not be more heated. 

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