The Bewildering Randomness of the Paramount Scares 2

There are many things that I miss about my old life as a staff writer at The A.V. Club and later The Dissolve. I miss the income, modest as it might have been, as well as the power that comes with working for an institution people read and respect. I also miss interacting with people other than my immediate family on a regular basis.

But what I REALLY miss is all the crap that people would send us. THAT was nice. As someone who grew up poor and resentful, it was like Christmas every day. We got sent everything: CDs, videocassettes, albums, DVDs, Blu-Rays and books as far as the eye can see. 

Oh, but it was beautiful! I miss it so. I still get sent stuff sometimes but I honestly think that I am on maybe three lists, and that’s it. When I worked at The A.V. Club I was on EVERY list and everyone wanted to kiss my ass so as to harness the incredible power of my job as head writer of The A.V. Club. Now I am on less than a handful of lists. 

I’ve always gotten excited when I get something in the mail. That is particularly true now, since I get in so little stuff. 

You can only imagine how excited I was to get in a big green box reading “Paramount Scares 2.” It contained four alternative slipcovers, a commemorative Fangoria magazine, a 3-D logo pin, four iron-on patches, a sticker and a collectible poster combining images from the four films in the set: 1981’s Friday the 13th Part 2, 1997’s Breakdown, 2013’s World War Z and finally Orphan: First Kill. 

If you were feeling excessively generous you could argue that the box collected Paramount horror movies from different decades, except that the oughts are not represented. 

When I looked at the line-up for Paramount Scares 2 I was befuddled. What a random-ass group of movies to group together and sell as a box set! It’s deeply weird to me, for example, that this is a box set with the movie Friday the 13th, Part 2, the first sequel from the popular horror franchise but only one movie from that franchise. It similarly has a movie from the Orphan franchise but only one movie. 

Paramount Scares 2 is bewildering as well because it pairs three conventional horror movies with Breakdown, a critically-acclaimed suspense thriller starring Kurt Russell and J.T. Walsh. 

I remember very much enjoying Breakdown but it did not scare me BECAUSE IT IS NOT A HORROR MOVIE! It’s not supposed to be scary. 

I’m impressed by all of the effort that went into bringing together movies with next to nothing to do with each other beyond a studio and a genre. I’m tempted to hold onto it because it is so strange and arbitrary and because I don’t have much in the way of stuff now that I’m a fulltime independent and consequently broke and powerless. 

Paramount Scares 2 is the most random group of fright flicks since the first Paramount Scares, which paired the big dog Rosemary’s Baby with the lesser likes of Pet Sematary, Smile, Crawl and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. 

Those are a random but much more impressive group of movies, but they’re still pretty rando. Sweeney Todd may be dark and gloomy but it’s also a musical. That sets it apart from the other films in the first Paramount Scares box. 

I often think about buying box sets, and contemplate buying box sets, but that seldom, if ever, leads to me actually buying box sets. A recent exception was Shout Factory’s 35th anniversary edition of UHF. I probably should have splurged on the most expensive version but I’m broke as a joke so I had to settle for the one with two posters, a slipcover and a sticker.

At the risk of sounding sad, I quite liked getting in the Paramount Scares 2. It combines two my favorite things: scares and the movie studio Paramount. I just like getting in stuff so if you would like to send me something random go ahead and do it at Nathan Rabin, 2100 Whitestone Place, Alpharetta, GA!

You could very well end up the subject of a blog here. Heck, I’ve got two mail-themed blog post in the works, and that’s without any assistance from readers. 

Nathan got life-changing dental implants but they’re crazy expensive so he set up a GoFundMe at https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-nathans-journey-to-dental-implants. Give if you can!

Did you know that I have a Substack called Nathan Rabin’s Bad Ideas, where I write up new movies my readers choose and do deep dives into lowbrow franchises? It’s true! You should check it out here. 

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The Big WhoopNathan Rabin