I Recently Bought an Autograph at a Convention for the First Time. This is my story.
Because I have ADHD and am generally a bit of a trainwreck of a human being, I’ll spend a LOT of time thinking about doing things without actually doing them.
For example, I’ve contemplated going to science-fiction, horror, comic book, and pop culture conventions and getting autographs, but until about two weeks ago, I had never actually paid for an autograph at a convention.
As a teenager, I was a huge autograph collector. I would patiently wait hours to get the signature of a favorite baseball player. For years, one of the highlights of my year was going to the White Sox and Cubs fan conventions.
In a related development, I used to be a big sports fan. Incidentally, for many years, my Wikipedia page prominently mentioned that I was a huge White Sox fan rather than more salient information about my life and career. To make things even more puzzlingly obscure, the source of this meaningless bit of no longer relevant trivia was an article I wrote for The A.V. Club about the Matt LeBlanc vehicle Ed.
I was amused and modestly relieved when a good Samaritan added to my page that I am no longer an obsessive White Sox superfan.
I didn’t pay for individual autographs at the White Sox and Cubs convention; you’d pay for the whole thing.
In the decades since, I’ve wasted a lot of time thinking about getting autographs without ever pulling the trigger. A fair amount of FOMO was involved. For example, I wanted to get Carroll Spinney’s autograph before he died because, if anything, I like Sesame Street even more than my beloved White Sox.
The man behind Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch exited this sad world before I could shake his hand, take a picture, and get something signed.
I didn’t want that to happen again, particularly since I make a point of trying to go to all of the pop culture conventions with my son, who loves pop culture, movies, cosplay, and pretty much everything geeky.
When I saw the lineup for this year’s Mad Monster Party, I vowed to actually attend and snag autographs from some of my favorite icons.
As a Stuart Gordon superfan, I was very excited that Jeffrey Combs, one of my favorite character actors, was going to be at the convention, along with Ken Foree, his From Beyond costar as well as Tom Atkins, the cult hero who starred in such notable cinematic endeavors as Halloween III, Creepshow and The Night of the Creeps, and Nick Castle, who co-wrote Escape From New York and directed, among other films, The Last Starfighter but was at the convention because he portrayed the role of Michael Myers, AKA The Shape in the original Halloween.
But that wasn’t all! Ron Perlman was going to be there, in addition to Atkins’ Creepshow co-star Adrienne Barbeau, Rose McGowan, and Traci Lords.
There was a deluge of last-minute additions, most notably The Exorcist’s Linda Blair and E.T. stars Henry Thomas and Dee Wallace, who also appeared in classic motion pictures such as The Howling, The Hills Have Eyes, Critters, and The Frighteners.
For a horror buff, it was an embarrassment of riches. Unfortunately, I am in the middle of what my father calls a cash flow crisis. I am embarrassingly low on riches, and you had to pay cash for tickets to the conventions, photographs, and autographs.
Confusingly, the convention website listed the cost for photographs but not for autographs.
Another guest was added a week or two before the convention: Barbara Crampton, the legendary scream queen best known for her roles in The Re-Animator, From Beyond, and Chopping Mall. I also knew her from her guest appearance on The Flop House.
She was a great actress, an awesome human being, and a beautiful woman. I had to be strategic, so I prioritized Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton. If I could only get two autographs, those would be my choices.
Here’s how ADHD I am. For five months, I had a cart at Galery1988 full of artwork I was going to get signed at the Mad Monster Party without actually buying the items I contemplated for a good half year.
I figured that there would be lots of awesome stuff to get signed at the convention itself. I guessed wrong.
On the day of the convention, my son wore a Chucky costume. I tend to judge conventions based on how many compliments my son gets, and he received lots of praise from kind strangers.
The convention was surprisingly modest. Most celebrities were there all three days of the convention, which helps explain why the only lengthy lines were for Ron Perlman and Daredevil’s Charlie Cox.
Tom Atkins was just sitting there! THE Tom Atkins! I bought a tee shirt with Tom Atkins's face on it from Fright-Rags specifically for the Mad Monster Party, but it disappeared into the black hole where many of my most cherished belongings vanished.
I could conceivably chat with these horror legends, but talking to strangers, unfortunately, fills me with abject terror. Even Tom Atkins.
There was a lot of stuff for folks to sign, but nothing looked quite right until I went to Barbara Crampton’s table and saw a magnificent poster commemorating the 40th anniversary of The Re-Animator. It was a thing of beauty! For one hundred dollars, I could get the poster and Crampton’s autograph, so I pulled the trigger and bought it.
The poster was black with bright yellow imagery that almost looked like it glows in the dark.
I had Crampton and Jeffrey Combs sign it in a nifty fluorescent marker the same color as the poster. Combs even scrawled the name of his most famous character—Dr. Herbert West, alongside his signature.
I regrettably did not get any more autographs that afternoon, but that was okay. I fucking love my poster. Every time I pass it, I admire it anew.
I was very happy with the first two autographs I’d purchased in person. And I learned a lot.
The next big convention in Atlanta will be in July and features, at the moment, Keith David, Rainn Wilson and Ernie Hudson. Hopefully I will be in a better place financially by that point. I plan to bring stuff for them to sign. With Wilson, it’ll be something Weird: The Movie-themed.
I’m in the autograph business. I don’t like to brag but I have probably thirty or forty items signed by “Weird Al" Yankovic in my home, which doubles as a tasteful shrine to the preeminent pop parodist. I don’t want to brag but I know a guy who can get me unlimited “Weird Al” Yankovic autographs. It’s “Weird Al” Yankovic.
Autographs are also a big part of my independent publishing operation. I would much rather you buy my books from me than from the assholes at Amazon. There’s something wonderfully homemade and intimate about getting an order for one of my books, signing it, and then shipping it myself.
I’m grateful that there is at least a small market for books autographed by Nathan Rabin. I look forward to shipping hundreds of books to people who’ve preordered The Fractured Mirror via Kickstarter or Backerkit.
It will be enormous work sending out all those signed books.
I can’t wait! Thankfully, I won’t have to wait long because I plan to put out the book within the next two months.
That's the Nathan Rabin promise!
You can pre-order The Fractured Mirror here: https://the-fractured-mirror.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders
Nathan needed expensive, life-saving dental implants, and his dental plan didn’t cover them, so he started a GoFundMe at https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-nathans-journey-to-dental-implants. Give if you can!
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