Why Won't the Liberal Media Give Trump Credit For Abstaining From Defecating on the Graves of His Enemies?

I am disgusted, if not surprised, by the unforgivable way the bought and paid for liberal media has flagrantly and deliberately misrepresented Donald Trump’s very funny and very appropriate, even kind hearted comments about how the late John Dingell could very well be spending eternity enduring the torments of the damned because he opposed Trump in his lifetime. 

When Trump makes hilarious jokes about beloved politicians roasting in hell or veterans who spent years getting brutally tortured in a Vietnamese prison camp being losers and failures for getting captured he’s striking a bold, important, even essential blow against “political correctness” and authoritarian thought police. 

Besides, the First Amendment protects Trump from ever having to experience consequences for his actions. In this case, Freedom of Speech means Freedom from punishment. 

This is not true, however, of Saturday Night Live or the comedians who speak at the White House Correspondents Dinner. When these strident extremists lampoon the president in any way it’s illegal slander and collusion and probably something that should be outlawed as long as Republicans are in power. 

Dingell was a Presidential Medal of Freedom winner and decorated World War II veteran who died earlier this year at 92 after serving an astonishing sixty years in the House of Representatives but even after Trump gave Dingell what he described as “A-plus treatment” in death and Dingell’s widow thanked the president for having flags lowered to half-mast in his honor she still voted in favor of Trump’s impeachment. 

Here’s the way it works. As President, Trump has the power to do anything he wants. If he wants to posthumously change John Dingelll’s name to Ding-Dong Poopy Pants, then have his corpse thrown into an anonymous pauper’s grave for pedophiles called Kiddy-Toucher Field he could do so in a heartbeat, probably without any political blowback. 

If Donald Trump does something nice for someone, like have flags flown at half mast, then that person is his slave and servant for all of eternity. When Dingell’s widow thanked Trump and was polite during a telephone call she should have realized that she was now obligated to do his bidding not just for the rest of her life but her afterlife as well.

That Dingell’s widow did not end what I imagine was a very brief, awkward, formal call by saying “I’m a Republican now” or “You are now my master. You possess my soul, vote and mind. I exist to do your bidding, oh wise and powerful one” illustrates what an ingrate this woman was, and how intensely she and her late husband deserve to be comedically roasted, Jeffrey Ross style, but even cooler, because I imagine Ross would draw the line at hurling zingers at the expense of widows and the sainted dead.  

Because if you can’t laugh at the most powerful man in the world telling an adoring crowd in your home state that your recently dead soulmate will be tortured forever by the devil and his minions for being a bad person what can you laugh at? Dilbert?

These snowflakes are so uptight! You make one or two or three or four or who knows how many comments insulting the memories of American political icons and/or veterans in petty, mean-spirited, astonishingly juvenile ways and all of a sudden you’re the jerk or something. 

It didn’t stop there: because Trump did what every president is expected to do when a figure of Dingell’s stature dies that means that Dingell’s children and grand-children are similarly obligated to spend their lives serving the Trump family. 

Trump doesn’t believe in Quid Pro Quo. He just feels, very strongly, that if he does a favor for someone they owe him everything, and if they aren’t prompt in delivering, then he has not just a right but a sacred obligation to point out that getting captured by the Viet Cong means that you suck and also that your dead husband is in Satan’s hands forever because his wife voted according to her conscience on impeachment.

Similarly, Donald Trump did not need to respectfully, even slavishly, refer to Dingell and his wife by their names while insulting them to an adoring crowd of crazed cultists when he easily could have referred to them as “Old Shit for Brains”, “Fuck-Face”, “Dead Loser”, “Human Skid-Mark” or “Corpsey and the Ho-Bag.” 

Yeah, it’s pretty fucking disgusting how the lame stream media focuses relentlessly on all of the horrible things Trump does to disrespect the memories of beloved Americans who disagreed with him politically rather than the various ways in which he’s not as terrible as he could be. 

Trump could, for example, stage crowd-pleasing photo ops where he pinches a loaf on the grave of John McCain, or lustily urinates all over the remains of Dingell to the delight and approval of his die-hards as a way of literally taking a shit on the fussy, uptight political convention that elected officials shouldn’t defecate on the graves of their rivals as a sophomoric form of revenge but he doesn’t do that. 

You know why? Because Trump is a classy guy. Unlike his haters and the crazed, pitchfork-wielding mob behind the impeachment witch trial, Trump has a sense of propriety, of restraint, of self-control, of basic human decency. He knows when to stop, when he’s gone too far. 

Would you expect or accept anything less from the leader of the free world?

That’s why you’re probably not going to see Trump peeing on Elijah Cumming’s grave but he’s a passionate man so you never can tell.

So the next time the media piles on Trump for something as innocuous as insulting the memory of a recently deceased political icon because they dared to criticize him, why not think about the all the childish profanity and ritualistic public defecations he’s (currently) abstaining from out of a sense of self-discipline and self-restraint that borders on preternatural?

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