Schadenfreudian Trip: I Am Absolutely LOVING Donald Trump's Misery Right Now
For four years I told myself that if, and when, Donald Trump was finally voted out of office I would literally dance in the streets with excitement. I even nursed vague plans of learning an actual silly dance—The Floss—specifically for the occasion. Alas, like pretty much all of my plans these days, this one ran headfirst into the brick wall of reality and never recovered.
I knew I was not alone in this. I did not realize, however, that dancing in the streets in individual and communal ecstasy would be a widespread, bordering on universal response to the election of Joe Biden among Leftists for whom Trump’s time in office was legitimately a long national nightmare that is thankfully coming to a close very soon.
Decent people everywhere were so exhilarated by the electoral triumph of a deeply unexciting, almost perversely uninspiring corporate Democrat that impromptu street parties broke out everywhere. It was like being on Molly at a Phish show or the Gathering of the Juggalos but better because it involved the very public humiliation and defeat of Donald Trump, something I’ve been longing for since he clinched the Republican nomination for President in 2016.
I was so traumatized by memories of the 2016 election that I could not bring myself to actually watch the news the night of the election. I just didn’t think I could handle it emotionally. I still don’t. So instead of risking a panic attack or stress-induced heart attack should Trump shock the world and pull it off again my wife and I instead decided to watch the final episodes of Schitt’s Creek.
Boy oh boy, did we make the right decision! Unlike the presidential election on November 3rd, Schitt’s Creek had a DEFINITE ending and it was even more wonderful than I had hoped. I was literally crying tears of joy as one of my all-time favorite television families got the happy ending they richly deserved instead of being wracked with debilitating anxiety and fear over the prospect of four more years of a Trump presidency.
I’m still absolutely mortified that seventy million of my fellow Americans endured the waking nightmare that was four years of having an evil, rage-filled toddler for a leader but thank God substantially more people voted for good old boring, predictable Joe Biden.
I never imagined that I could feel full-on exhilaration over the election of someone as problematic and centrist as Joe Biden but I wasn’t responding to Biden or Kamala Harris’ win so much as I was Trump’s defeat.
For five years Trump has practiced the politics of brutality. His appeal, such as it is, has everything to do with humiliating his opponents, as intensely and publicly as possible. It was about destroying Jeb Bush, then Hillary Clinton, then taking a blowtorch to Barack Obama’s legacy.
Republicans who should have known better embraced Trump’s cruelty-based cult of personality. By ascending to the highest position of power in the world, Trump gave his acolytes unlimited permission to be as cruel and unhinged as he is.
With the outsized zeal of a wrestling villain, Trump has spent the last half decade insulting his enemies in personal, ugly and often vicious ways, deriding them as crazed Communists out to destroy our country at the behest of their masters in the far-left media and Democratic/Communist party.
I am not too proud to concede that I have been experiencing delirious, delicious schadenfreude since it became achingly apparent to all but the most deluded true believers that despite Trump’s temper tantrums about unprecedented voter fraud robbing him of a landslide victory and second term, Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election and consequently will be our 46th president.
Specific allegations? Massive proof? I’m CONVINCED!
Trump could have cruelly robbed all us haters of our deep, intense, lasting joy in his downfall by accepting his loss with, if not dignity or grace, then at least some level of professionalism. Expectations for Trump are so low that if he were to respond to Biden’s victory by saying that he’d once again done far better than anyone had expected (which has the benefit of being true, unlike most of what Trump says), and still thought there was widespread voter fraud that needed to be looked into, but that he would accept the prognostications of even FOX News and concede the election to Biden, we would have been blown away by such an uncharacteristic display of maturity by the brattiest man-child in the history of American presidential politics.
But that was never going to happen. Being the President of the United States for four years somehow only managed to make Trump more of a carnival barker, not less. There was zero chance that losing would transform Trump from a con artist who lied his way into the highest office in the land to an actual President.
Besides, Trump has spent five years laying the groundwork for his cultists to believe that the only way a man as popular and stunningly accomplished as himself could lose the presidency would be if his opponents cheated flagrantly, regardless of what the polls and election results might not just say but angrily insist. He’s never going to let that go. Nor will his children or his children’s children.
Have you considered dying mad about it, you sore loser-ass motherfucker?
Trump has been arguing his case in the court of law but also on Twitter, where it is damn near impossible not to derive delight in watching the impeached, one-term president humiliate himself over and over and over again.
It fucking sucks to lose a job. It’s one of the worst feelings imaginable. I can’t even imagine how brutal this loss must be for a narcissist like Trump but in his desperate, doomed bid to transform one of the biggest losses in the world—an incumbent being soundly defeated by a man he considers unworthy of even running against him—into a victory Trump ended up turning his crushing presidential defeat into the biggest loss in the world followed by 83 smaller but also painful losses.
Trump and his legal are stuck in a Groundhog Day-style loop where they are forced re-live the pain of losing every single time they mount a legal challenge that is laughed out of court by judges who rightly see Trump and Giuliani as Lionel Hutz-level losers wasting everyone’s time.
By angrily lashing out on Twitter, Trump is choosing to re-live the pain of losing to Biden over and over and over again. He’s choosing to re-live the worst moment of his life endlessly rather than accept defeat like an adult.
It’s wonderful watching Trump melt down on Twitter now that I know that he will not be in the White House two months from now. I particularly like how the site’s fact-checking feature refutes just about everything Trump tweets, how his angry assertions of stunning, historic, unprecedented, landslide victory are invariably tagged as being inaccurate at best and big old whoopers at worst.
The day I wrote this blog post Trump was reduced to re-tweeting Randy Quaid repeatedly, in both tweet and video form. In Trump’s diseased mind, Dr. Anthony Fauci is a dangerous, irresponsible attention hog who must be insulted and undermined for trying to save the lives of millions of Americans in ways that don’t entirely align with Trump’s agenda but Randy Quaid is an important iconoclast and free-thinker whose thoughts deserve to be signal-boosted by the most powerful man in the world. Other than President-Elect Biden of course. That dude is way more powerful than that loser one-term lame duck president Trump.
Trump cannot accept not being president. I have no doubt that he will announce his candidacy for 2024 imminently and in doing so immediately become the front-runner and, by default, the voice of the anti-Biden Resistance.
Trump isn’t going anywhere, sadly enough, but I am most assuredly going to glory in his humiliating defeat for as long as I can.
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