I've Got a Lot of Great Stories That Could Help Me Promote My New Book But They All Involve Confessing to a Series of Brutal Homicides

I could not be more pleased that my seventh print book, the “Weird Al” Yankovic-themed coloring book The Weird A-Coloring to Al has just been released. 

I’m excited to share The Weird A-Coloring to Al with the world. I’ve got one hell of a winning hand. I can’t wait to show it to all of Al’s Close Personal Friends.  That means talking about the many, many books I have written about “Weird Al” Yankovic to anyone who will have me.

Press tours can be a lot of fun, not to mention good business, but there is one element of doing interviews to promote the book that I’m a little nervous about. 

I’ve got lots of great, juicy, funny stories (or funny to me at least!) that will dazzle interviewers and readers and increase interest in the book. Unfortunately they all involve confessing to a series of brutal murders that took place in the Florida Everglades and thereabouts. Granted, these stories are funny to me. They’re probably less amusing to the surviving relatives of the people whose lives I’ve taken. For these grieving souls, stories about my shocking crimes are probably both extremely unfunny and sad.

a fun song The Talking Heads recorded about people like me!

I want to entertain interviewers with literally killer anecdotes involving life and death and drug-fueled murder sprees but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison. Considering some of the things I’ve done and some of the small towns I have slaughtered (yep, that’s right: I have killed entire TOWNS and will do so again unless stopped!) I could very well get the death penalty. 

You know what? I’d deserve it! I’m not in favor of capital punishment, at all, but I also think it’s the only fitting punishment for a monster like me. 

I’d love to be able to wow interviewers with my shadowy, deadly secret life as a monster alternately known as The Pandemic Prowler, The Covid Killer, the Miami Murderer, the Monster of the Marsh and the Southeast Strangler but I’m worried about attracting the attention of law enforcement. 

I mean, sure, sure it would provide closure for grieving families if their loved ones’ hacked-up corpses were recovered from various marshes but you can’t do signings or Q&As if you’re locked up in solitary confinement or on death row. 

I can only imagine how blown away interviewers would be to learn that, in addition to coining the phrase “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” and writing three books about “Weird Al” Yankovic I’m one of the most prolific and savage mass murderers in American history.

But would it really sell books? Because there’s no point confessing to dozens of horrible crimes if you aren’t going to make a little moolah in the process. I need to make a little cold hard cash if I’m going to clear up some cold cases involving people disappearing in the swamp.

That O.J Simpson guy killed people specifically for the purpose of writing a book about it called If I Did It. If I were to write a similar book it would be called I Definitely Did It and Then I Did It Again And I’ll Keep On Doing It Unless I’m Stopped.

It’s amazing that “Weird Al” Yankovic, one of the most beloved and popular figures in American pop culture, even associates with an unemployable Juggalo like myself. If it were to come out that I am one of history’s greatest monsters and most notorious spree killers I fear that would be the end of our relationship, working or otherwise.

I may be a remorseless serial killer with a body count in the triple digits but I’m a businessman as well and I know that you have to be calculating and pragmatic in a kill or be killed business like coloring books. 

So I’m really in a dilly of a pickle. Do I get headlines like “World’s Sickest Serial Killer Releases New “Weird Al” Yankovic-themed Coloring Book” and move serious units and potentially make national headlines or do I keep the details of my decades-long crime spree a secret and risk passing up headlines, book sales and serious money? 

Perhaps I’ve already said too much. You know WAY too much about me but I vow not to murder you OR YOUR FAMILY if you don’t snitch to the cops and also buy at least three copies of The Weird A-Coloring to Al. 

That’s the Nathan Rabin promise, and I always live up to my promises as well as my reputation as a monster whose crimes have the capacity to shock and horrify a seemingly jaded and apathetic nation. 

Pre-order The Joy of Trash, the Happy Place’s upcoming book about the very best of the very worst and get instant access to all of the original pieces I’m writing for them AS I write them (there are NINE so far, including Shasta McNasty and the first and second seasons of Baywatch Nights) AND, as a bonus, monthly write-ups of the first season Baywatch Nights you can’t get anywhere else (other than my Patreon feed) at https://the-joy-of-trash.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders

Missed out on the Kickstarter campaign for The Weird A-Coloring to Al/The Weird A-Coloring to Al-Colored In Edition? You’re in luck, because you can still pre-order the books, and get all manner of nifty exclusives, by pledging over at https://the-weird-a-coloring-to-al-coloring-colored-in-books.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders

and of course you can buy The Weird Accordion to Al AND THE BRAND NEW WEIRD A-COLORING TO AL “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC-THEMED COLORING BOOK here: https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop or from those monsters over at Amazon here

FINALLY, you can also pledge to this site and help keep the lights on at https://www.patreon.com/nathanrabinshappyplace