Ron DeSantis' Jeb Bush Problem
It’s a ya boy, Yung Jeb!
Eight years ago Jeb Bush entered the 2016 Republican Presidential race as the favorite. On paper, at least, the former Florida governor had a lot going for him. He was the scion of a political dynasty that had already sent two members to the White House.
Jeb Bush was a popular two-term Governor who had amassed an impressive war chest and the solid, if extremely boring choice of the Republican establishment as well as a favorite of Hispanic voters.
Hell, Oliver Stone had even made a movie about how amazing Jeb Bush was, and how he was so impressive that his loser brother George W. couldn’t help but come off as a pathetic exuse for a human being by comparison.
Jeb was supposed to cruise to a nomination after the public’s weird fascination with that Donald Trump clown quickly subsided and they realized how utterly, even uniquely unqualified to be president the reality show host really was.
That, of course, is not how it played out. Jeb Bush did not cruise to the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. His candidacy went about as well as the launch of New Coke or the theatrical run of Son of the Mask.
The public’s weird fascination with Donald Trump as an unlikely political leader most assuredly did not subside quickly. It did subside at all. If anything, we’re even more unhealthily obsessed with that civilization-destroying lunatic than we were when he first announced his decision to run for President.
The public just had to get a good look at Jeb Bush as a politician and a human being for all of his seemingly rock-solid advantages to deflate. Yes, Bush was the scion of a political dynasty. We’d already had two of his relatives in the Oval Office. Was that really a good thing? Was the universe really crying out for a third President Bush?
Jeb was similarly solid and safe. But he was also boring. So, so, so boring! He was so boring and so safe and so dull that he made Donald Trump’s live-wire drunken carny obnoxiousness seem exciting and fun by comparison.
Jeb thought voters were finally ready to settle down with a respectable gentleman like himself but it turns out that we were jonesing for an unwell bad boy.
Instead of racing to a nomination and then the presidency Jeb’s campaign sputtered and sputtered and then petered out.
Jeb was such a bust that I rarely see him mentioned these days in connection with Donald Trump’s third run for the Republican nomination for President.
That’s understandable, in that we as a society seem to have collectively agreed to forget about Jeb Bush at some point in 2016 but I find myself thinking a lot about Jeb these days. Jeb!
That’s because Ron DeSantis, AKA Meatball Ron, AKA Ron DeSanctimonious AKA Mr. StealYoGirl is now where Jeb Bush was eight VERY long years ago.
He’s the popular Republican governor of Florida, a figure of genuine adoration in his home state. If Donald Trump were not running for our highest office DeSantis would easily be the favorite for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination even though he hasn’t announced his candidacy yet and DeSantis is the solid and safe choice, an establishment figure whose great selling point for Republicans hungry for a return to sanity is that he is not Donald Trump.
DeSantis has all sorts of Jeb Bush virtues that are quickly and predictably turning into Jeb Bush weaknesses. That safety and stability? It’s pretty fucking boring, particularly compared to the other guy. He’s out of his goddamned mind but he is NOT dull.
And who the hell wants to support the establishment choice in 2024? So it’s not surprising that the soft launch of Ron DeSantis as a sneak candidate for the Republican Presidential nomination has so far been a low-energy, low-wattage bust. It’s been positively Jeb Bush-like.
People in Florida might love DeSantis but they also love Trump, who may be as New York as where that salsa that enraged cowboys in Pace Picante commercials was made but Trump also managed to out-Florida Jeb in 2016 all the same.
The reality of DeSantis as a presidential candidate is already proving disappointing and underwhelming and he hasn’t even pulled the trigger and announced his candidacy yet.
Ron DeSantis has a real Jeb Bush problem. He’s limping out the gate, only a month or two removed from glumly asking for clapping, validation and approval.
I know firsthand that nobody wants to be that guy because I AM that guy, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
Buy a signed copy of The Joy of Trash: Flaming Garbage Fire Extended Edition, the brand spanking new version of a book that compiles all of the best pieces from this wonderful website over at https://www.nathanrabin.com/shop and get a free, signed "Weird Al” Yankovic-themed coloring book for free! Just 18.75, shipping and taxes included! Or you could buy it from Amazon at https://tinyurl.com/2p8t9wua but real talk, I need this sale a LOT more than they do.
Check out my new Substack at https://nathanrabin.substack.com/
And we would love it if you would pledge to the site’s Patreon as well. https://www.patreon.com/nathanrabinshappyplace