Do You Want to Let the World Know That You're a Huge Asshole? Why Not Buy a Cybertruck?
A blue check on what I will always refer to as Twitter used to be a status symbol that let the world know that you were a person of note. You couldn’t buy a blue check. You had to earn it.
Then Elon Musk took over. He took away the blue checks of accomplishment and distinction and replaced them with a system where obnoxious sycophants can pay the richest asshole in the world eight dollars a month to spew nonsense on a free website he single-handedly ruined.
Blue checks still serve a valuable purpose. They tell me that the person who paid for a blue check is an idiot who has made supporting Elon Musk and his ideas a central component of their online identity.
If someone has a blue check, there’s a good chance that they’re a die-hard Trump supporter who regularly posts about how Musk is a free speech hero and a fierce foe of the dreaded Woke Mind Virus.
Blue checks tell the world that you’re an Elon Musk supporter and choose to give money to a man who could very well become a trillionaire for turning the largest and most important social media site into a slightly more respectable version of Truth Social.
Get a load of this asshole car.
Red baseball hats reading Make America Great Again serve a similarly useful purpose in letting sane people know that the wearer of the cap is a member of the Trump cult and can be ignored or dismissed.
We live in a nation horrifyingly full of people who think that a crazed narcissist like Donald Trump should be the most powerful man in the world after all that he’s done.
They walk among us. They appear sane and reasonable, but their frazzled minds are filled with horrifying visions of non-Americans roasting Fido and Muffy over an open fire and other right-wing madness.
You can never really tell whether a stranger you’re talking to is sane and despises Donald Trump with a white-hot burning passion or out of their goddamn mind and support Trump and everything awful that he represents.
If someone is wearing a MAGA cap, it’s a useful signal that you should avoid talking to them.
Donald Trump and Elon Musk have overlapping cults dominated by arrogant young men prone to hero worship, misogyny, and xenophobia.
Musk and Trump's superfans are ostentatious in their displays of support. If you really love Elon Musk and want the richest man in the world to be even richer and even more powerful, you can buy a Cybertruck.
Buying a Cybertruck and riding it around town is a great way to tell the world that you’re an asshole. Every time I see someone in an automobile that looks like something out of a dystopian science fiction movie, I think, “Jesus, what an asshole.”
These eyesores start at 59,000 dollars, but that’s a small price to pay to tell the world that you fucking suck.
Official car of rage-filed dads that didn't get custody
Elon Musk has very thoughtfully given his fans multiple ways to let us know that they support the 52-year-old baby-man and, consequently, should be avoided.
The Cybertruck is a status symbol. It tells the world that you have a lot of money and choose to spend it foolishly. Also, your car might explode unexpectedly or get recalled for being unsafe—Teslas are notorious for that.
Owning a Cybertruck says a lot about a person, none of it positive.
Nathan has expensive, life-changing dental implants and his dental plan doesn’t cover them, so he started a GoFundMe at https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-nathans-journey-to-dental-implants. Give if you can!
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