Who Is That Maskless Moron? Donald Trump, the Lone Dumbass
Nightmare fuel
When I was a small child in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I would refuse to wear a heavy winter coat, winter hat, mittens and scarf no matter how agonizingly cold and miserable the weather was. Winter in the upper midwest was almost invariably absolutely brutal. When I lived in Chicago and Wisconsin there were countless days when I would step outside and think, “How badly do I really need to leave my house today? Is it worth doing battle with the unbeatable, unstoppable, relentless forces of a Midwestern Winter?”
I didn’t wear the right clothes for winter for a very simple, very stupid reason: I thought it made me look silly. Dumb. Weak. I labored under the delusion that if I were to dress appropriately for the weather my classmates and teachers would look at me and see a dorky, unstylish dope who lived in cowardly fear of the elements and their fury but if I strolled into class with just a light jacket they would ooh and awe at the second coming of James Dean.
There were immediate negative consequences for my stupidity. First and foremost, I was cold all the time. I’m unusually susceptible to cold weather so I spent those miserable winters freezing and shivering and feeling like death. But that was far from the end of it. I also got sick an awful lot. I spent a lot of time at home recovering from flus and ear infections and brutal colds that I undoubtedly could have avoided if I just dressed correctly.
Ha ha! Get a load of this nerd. Nice mask, loser? Did your mommy make it for you?
I refused to take the right precautions to avoid getting sick or feeling miserable because I was a stupid, excessively, nonsensically proud child with the mind of a stupid, excessively, nonsensically proud child. Donald Trump is refusing to wear a mask even while TOURING A FACTORY THAT MAKES MASKS for similar reasons: he’s a stupid, excessively proud man-child with the mind of a stupid, excessively, nonsensically proud child.
Trump refuses to wear a mask in public because he is, like my eight year old self freezing his ass off in the Milwaukee winter in order to avoid looking uncool to classmates who never thought I was cool in the first place, overly concerned with how he will appear to other people to the profound detriment of himself and others as well.
Trump made the reason he refused to wear protective masks even while he ostensibly encouraged the rest of the country to do so when he re-tweeted Conservative journalist Brit Hume’s photo of Joe Biden wearing a black face mask with the words, “This might help explain why Trump doesn’t like to wear a mask in public. Biden today.”
This is what is called a sick burn, on account of all the people will get sick because of it.
There was something almost admirable about the unwise candor of Trump’s re-tweet. He wasn’t even pretending that his refusal to wear masks in public had anything to do with science or the counsel of scientists or doctors. Nope. That re-tweet made it 100 percent apparent that Trump thinks people who wear masks look dumb and silly, and Sleepy Joe Biden looked dumb and silly wearing a mask, so consequently I will not wear a mask even when TOURING A MASK FACTORY.
I hope Trump is that candid in real life as well, and that when he’s offered a mask before touring a facility he declines by pointing to his face and saying, “Sorry. You know, vanity.”
When I talk about people at danger because of Trump’s flagrant irresponsibility and hypocrisy, I’m not just talking about people who risk getting COVID-19 from Trump should his behavior lead to him contracting the virus: I’m talking about all of his supporters as well, who have gotten all the permission they will ever need not to wear a mask by Trump going mask-less in public.
Kurt Rambis goggles, on the other hand, always make you look super-cool.
Wearing a mask can be uncomfortable. It’s not terribly flattering much of the time. It’s easier and less constricting not to do it. Those are all terrible, incredibly petty and superficial reasons not to wear masks but in cosigning the idea that masks make you look dumb, and not tough and cool and sexy, and therefore you don’t actually need to do so, Trump has validated the poor, lazy and selfish life choices of a countless number of followers and acolyte who genuinely look to him for moral leadership and to set an example for children and the American people, horrifyingly enough.
We risk a whole lot worse than colds if we refuse to behave responsibly out of fear that doing so will make us look like major league dorks instead of the cool, sexy, dashing James Bond types we imagine ourselves to be. We risk getting our families infected and dying from this awful virus.
I got the fuck over my need to look cool to the detriment of my health when I stopped being a child, and thinking like a child. Now that he’s deep into his seventies it would behoove Trump to follow suit, for himself and the portion of the country that takes its cues from him and risk not only endangering their own health and lives but everyone else’s as well.
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